Letting Go was Worth It

Nancy and Andrew

Married 12 Years

Victoria, British Columbia

This is Nancy’s favourite quote from Blaise Pascal and definitely suits their love story. I often wonder how it is that couples I have interviewed end up in the same cities and same events where they meet one another–there does not appear to be much logic to love. Nancy lived in Calgary, Alberta and was visiting a friend in Victoria and her brother whose name is also Andrew. Nancy and her girlfriend were shopping and ended up at Andrew’s surf store as a friend worked there. While talking with her friend, she mentioned she was in Victoria to visit Andrew. The now husband Andrew, went into the back of the store and asked his friend whether Nancy was serious about this Andrew guy and his friend laughed and told him it was her brother.

Right there and then after a five minute interaction, Andrew replied to his friend, “I’m pretty sure I’m going to marry that girl.”

Shortly thereafter Nancy ran into some friends from Calgary and they invited Nancy and her girlfriend to a party that night. When the two arrived, the house was packed with people. Nancy went into the kitchen to get ice where she spotted Andrew. She said it was like the scene from Big Fish where Ewen McGregor’s character sees his love interest, time stops and all he can focus on is that person. She walked right over to Andrew and interrupted his conversation “I need to talk to you.” Nancy knew she was going to marry him that night. They continued to talk the entire night and ended up sleeping over at a friends house on the couch. Andrew asked her out on a date the next night–they picked up food from Little Thai Place and went to Cadboro Beach and sat under a tree which Nancy painted and that tree is hanging up in their home.

Before cell phones, people had to remember people’s phone numbers or phone a friend who had the phone number and that is what Nancy did when she needed her friend’s phone number. She wrote the number down on a random page in Andrew’s phone book. She called her friend to say that she wasn’t coming home that night after her date with Andrew. Andrew dropped Nancy off the next morning around 6:30 am as he was planning on an early morning surf. Instead, however, he drove back to his house and searched through the phone book looking for the number Nancy had written down. Many of you won’t know what a phone book even looks like, but I will tell you they are thick with thin pages and finding one number scrawled on a random page would have been difficult. It’s the kind of thing you do if you can’t imagine saying good-bye to someone just yet. Andrew found the number and they went for breakfast. One of the things that sealed the deal for Nancy was the kind manner in which he spoke to the waitress–she knew he was a good person. When Nancy got back to Calgary, she made a care package for Andrew including a love letter, good coffee and some music and she jokingly wrote, “I’ll see you in a week.” There were cheap fares available back then and she did just that–flew back that Friday. That flight was the first of many back and forth to see one another and the beginning of their whirlwind romance.

Andrew had just gotten out of a relationship and they had planned a trip to Indonesia together and neither had cancelled their flights. He felt responsible, not wanting his ex-girlfriend to travel alone so he went on the trip in the fall. Nancy had no choice but to just be cool about it. When he came back, Andrew broke up with Nancy, not because he had reunited with his ex-girlfriend but rather because that relationship had been long distance and he didn’t want another long distance relationship. Nancy was heartbroken but she did not try to change his decision. She believes in the saying, “If you love them, let them go.” Then they didn’t talk again until November when he called to check in on her–she lied and said she was fine. That New Years Nancy had broken her collar bone and was staying at her dad’s sleeping in a chair to remain comfortable and that is where she was when she received Andrew’s call at 3:00 am on New Years’ Eve. Andrew was very amorous but Nancy gave him a cool reception which made Andrew more attracted to her–he knew he wanted to marry Nancy. Andrew came out to Calgary for business in January and they saw each other. Nancy was very cautious, partly because of her feelings and also her families’ feelings because they had seen how sad she was and weren’t sure getting back together was a good idea. When they saw each other, the romance just picked up from where they’d left off.

Their long distance romance consisted of many interesting mini-holidays because when you only get to see each other on the weekend you want to make the most of it. Andrew and Nancy were on a surf trip and he was driving her back to Vancouver airport for her flight back to Calgary. They had talked about moving in together but Nancy was cautious and had joked, “I can’t possibly move in with you because you have no room in your closet.” She flew back to Calgary and when she arrived at work the next morning, there was an email from Andrew with a pdf file of an architectural drawing of a reconfiguration of his bedroom to include a closet for Nancy. She saw the email, stood up from her desk, packed up her items and gave her boss notice. Shortly thereafter, Nancy drove to Victoria and moved in with Andrew. Despite her families’ concerns about her ability to get a job Nancy was hired her first week in Victoria and surprisingly, to her parents–not as a waitress.

Nancy reflects, “When we first met, it wasn’t the right time for Andrew and I cared enough for him that I was willing to wait for him. Andrew was the only person who had ever broken up with me and now we’re married. He made his own decisions and I need someone who is whole and complete in themselves.”

Nancy and Andrew were about to travel to Tahiti where Andrew had planned to propose on a beach. He picked the ring up the day before they were leaving and he was so excited, he couldn’t wait. Andrew asked Nancy while they were sitting on the couch that night. Nancy replied, “Of course.” like he was asking a rhetorical question. The two families were both excited about the engagement despite a few initial concerns from Nancy’s mom.

Andrew and Nancy value each other’s opinion and just naturally made decisions together from the beginning. They also have the same ideas about how money works which is such an important factor for couples and worth having a conversation about before moving in together.

Nancy mentioned their core values are the same but that doesn’t mean they agree on everything. In fact, they are both quite opinionated and differences of opinion are not unusual. Andrew is quick to add, differences of opinion don’t have to be anything more than that. You can agree to disagree.

Nancy and Andrew both have their own interests and they give each other space to pursue them. For Andrew that’s surfing and Nancy doesn’t surf because that’s his solace and she doesn’t want to interfere with that.

Broadcast Love wishes Andrew and Nancy many more fun-filled adventures together!

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