Love Without Restrictions

Roxy and Alec

Roxy knew of Alec in high school and thought he was cute but he was five years older and when you’re in high school that’s a big age difference. Their paths crossed again when Roxy went to hair school with his younger sister. They didn’t cross paths again until they had both been through tough divorces and she saw him at church.

They are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and if you are single you go to the Singles Ward–the congregation of young single members. Not a lot of their friends were in Singles Ward–most of the members were people just leaving high school and it’s very different if you’ve been married before. Roxy had been asked out on dates but didn’t feel ready. However, when she saw Alec it was like a light and she was drawn to him.

Roxy, reached out to him on instagram and was very nervous because she hadn’t contacted any other guys before. She just made small talk and he responded and said let’s hang out. They went to a birthday party of one of Roxy’s friends, left early and ended up talking til 4 in the morning. As Alec explained, “When you’re dating after you’ve been divorced, it’s different. You are concerned about the bigger picture–goals, desires, and what do you want to do with your life.” The next day they went on their official first date for dinner. Alec is more spontaneous and less of a planner than Roxy and he didn’t plan the date but on a whim after dinner they went on scooters and then to a movie and they just hit it off.

They had dated for a year and a half and she kept expecting she would feel this sign that he’s the one. Then at Christmas Roxy went through a tough time and was feeling very low. Alec handled it so well. He explained, “That’s what true love is. If you’re at your lowest, it just makes me want to get closer to you and take care of you and make you feel better.”

He just held me and everything he told me was everything I needed to hear. Alec said, I know your ex left but I will never leave you and I’m grateful he did leave you because now I get the opportunity to love you and be there for you.”

When Roxy started feeling better she realized that she would be an idiot if she didn’t marry him. Alec had been ready to get married earlier and had already ordered a ring. Alec felt a connection right off the bat but he wanted to make sure it was real. A lot of things about Roxy’s personality were things that he didn’t know he needed until he met her and Roxy checked all the things off his list. He told her he loved her first and she didn’t say it back and one day on the phone he said, “I know you love me but you’re just not ready to say it and she replied, I was going to but you stole my moment.” He knew that day that she was the one.

Alec doesn’t plan things but he knew Roxy would be expecting something commemorative so he had some ideas. Her family was coming in from California and they were going on a hike and he was going to have his family waiting at the top of the mountain and have them hold up a large banner saying Roxy will you marry me in Spanish and it would be this big family thing. His sister in law was a photographer and she was going to take pictures. The day before the hike, Roxy told him, she wasn’t ready and she needed a little more time. Alec was upset because she had been looking at rings and designed the one they wanted and then suddenly she panicked and said she needed more time. Alec’s plan was postponed.

Then in January, they planned a ski trip to Utah and they were staying at his parent’s home. Down the street was an ice skating rink and he planned on fake falling down and then staying down on one knee. Then her family would hold up the sign. Shortly before they all went ice skating, Roxy’s mom told him that Roxy really wanted to do it at the ice castles down the street so he didn’t do it at the skating rink. It ended up that Roxy was disappointed because it was so romantic skating under the stars. The next day at the ice castles, he finally got to propose. Two of Roxy’s little nephews held the sign and were wondering around the castles. Alec wasn’t sure what was going to happen other than he had the ring in his pocket and when they ran into the nephews he would go down on one knee. There was a crowd and everyone was cheering and by chance the music started at the exact moment that he asked her. It was a surprise because Alec had convinced Roxy that he hadn’t ordered the ring yet.

Love that Boho Dress Roxy!

Ten days before their wedding date, the state imposed restrictions on the size of gatherings–at first it was 100, then 60 and then ten days before their wedding no gatherings larger than ten were allowed. During this time, Alec was wanting to keep the wedding the same and then all of a sudden it was down to gatherings no larger than 10 and they had to start canceling things. Roxy had put her heart and soul into planning the wedding and spent more than they had wanted to–she was not handling the fact that everything had to be cancelled well. They couldn’t get a refund–the money was spent. They sat down with their parents and decided let’s just do it this weekend and all the immediate family can make it. Roxy’s sister was leaving for Oklahoma in a couple of days and this way they had the wedding before she left. It was decided they would have the wedding in two days in Alec’s parents’ backyard.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t a lot of food at the grocery store so they weren’t sure what to serve. Alec’s mom happened to have two frozen turkeys in her freezer. The decision was made–it would be Thanksgiving Dinner at the wedding. The florist donated flowers from other cancelled weddings because their flowers weren’t coming in for another week. Alec’s family had decorations from previous family weddings and they borrowed those. The sisters and sister-in-laws on both sides brought decorations. Roxy’s style is bohemian and luckily she had gone shopping for decorations and her sister’s home is decorated in a boho style and she was able to borrow some items from her. The day of their wedding, the two of them were out in the backyard decorating and they managed to pull it together. Alec had always wanted something small and intimate with just the immediate family and it ended up being just that. “We didn’t have to worry about being hosts–it was just family together celebrating our marriage.”

Alec wouldn’t have had it any other way. In his words, “Covid made us realize how little we needed on that day to make it special.” Roxy remarked “I don’t know why I spent so much time planning a big wedding when all we needed was our family and each other.” Will they host a party for friends later on? Maybe when they get married in the temple they will have a small party in someone’s backyard.

When asked what makes them work as a couple, they said, “For us it is hearing each other when we are disagreeing and being able to put ourselves in each other’s shoes.”

Alec and Roxy had some sage advice which was to go for counseling. People don’t need to be struggling to go for counseling. They have learned so much about one another. Counseling gave them the tools they needed to know in order to understand why they act certain ways because of their past and what they need from each other. As a result, their arguments are short and they can resolve them quickly–issues don’t become a big thing. When things come up, they know how to handle it.

Alec and Roxy, we wish you a long and happy 
marriage full of fun and exciting adventures.  

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s