Ed and Dar
Ed was newly-single and it had been only weeks since his “practice” marriage had ended. He was not at all interested in meeting anyone. Dar had been lured into going on a couple of dates set up by their friend that were less than acceptable. This same friend had a new boat that he wanted to take out for Labour Day Weekend. His girlfriend had said she wouldn’t go out alone with him. Ed agreed to go to help his friend. Dar agreed to go on the boat trip because “What the hec” she had no other plans for the weekend and their mutual friend had agreed to return her to shore no questions asked if she didn’t like his friend, Ed.
They all met at the friends’ home on Saturday and Dar knew immediately that Ed was different than the other men she had met–more of a gentleman. Ed says he knew immediately that Dar couldn’t possibly be interested in him. They went shopping for provisions for the boat trip. As they wound their way through the deli, discovering that they both liked pickled eggs and smoked salmon, they fell in love.
More than chemistry there was an ability to see into each other on a deeper level and by the end of the weekend, they were engaged to be married. There was no grand gesture–down on one knee or a ring–just an understanding that they would be together. They had even discussed how many kids they would have.
After docking, back at Dar’s place they continued the conversation–how would they proceed as they did not live in the same city and Ed was leaving the next day. Ed was convinced Dar would never call him. When Dar arrived at work the next day, she received a huge bouquet of roses with a note saying thank you for the best weekend of my life.
They hadn’t told anyone that they were engaged after the weekend on the boat because they were too embarassed–afraid people would not understand. Ed and Dar spent every weekend together commuting back and forth and a couple of months later, Dar quit her job and moved to be with Ed. In November Ed met Dar’s parents and Ed asked Dar’s father for permission to marry his daughter. They were thrilled to have Ed join the family and the wedding would go ahead. There was just one hitch–they both needed to make their divorces final. They used the same lawyer and the day after the divorce came through they were married just a over a year later.
Ed and Dar would not necessarily recommend getting engaged after just a weekend together. That was chemistry and in Ed’s words, “Don’t fall for chemistry–chemistry goes away. It’s about holding out for someone who is a soul mate.”
Ed showed up with a “new to me” car because I had mentioned that the first gear was gone on my car. Ed knew I loved Gund stuffed animals so every time he showed up he had a Gund stuffed animal with him to the point where they had to add a rider on their home insurance. Although there have been these grand gestures throughout their relationship—Dar still has to be careful about what she would like because Ed will get it for her—she believes it is what you do on a daily basis that matters most. Every single morning Ed delivers Dar a latte in bed. Every day they find something that would make the day better for the other person. Often its smaller things like picking up someone’s favourite cheese when you are out grocery shopping or watching a show that they like. It could be a phone call asking if there is anything they can do to make the other’s day better.
For the 37 years that they have been together, every morning that they haven’t woken up together, Ed writes a love letter to Dar. Dar now has stacks of these books, each bound with a red ribbon.
Early in the relationship Dar said “I’m 100 percent accountable for us having a great relationship.” If you each believe this, Ed states, “it isn’t a 50/50 relationship, it’s 100/100 with each of you putting in 100 percent effort. While Ed claims, “I am responsible for us having a great marriage–you don’t even have to do anything Dar. It’s easy if you are in a relationship with the right person.”